i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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