you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He passed out mid-signature
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
