oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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