Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
