I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
