he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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