I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
