the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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