apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
