does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
