My hand turned me down
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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