I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
