shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
