Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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