A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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