im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
