absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
