He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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