you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
