I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
