That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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