All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
not ubering you a puppy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
