i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
