3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
