Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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