You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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