ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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