We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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