so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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