From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
