I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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