My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
