Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
