Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
