I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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