Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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