I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
