party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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