We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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