This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
