if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
