you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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