Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
