All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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