she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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