My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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