Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
