just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Rumble strips road head = magical
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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