Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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