great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
