i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
