like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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