Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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