Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
