y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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