everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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