The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
