I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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