Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
COCAINE IS GR8
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
