Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
