So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
