maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
