Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
